Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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