Im at strip club and am horny
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
