My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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