I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
