I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
