You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
