slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
