Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
this just has baby written all over it
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize