she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think a kid would responsible me up
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
