I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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