He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
