Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
