Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
