I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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