South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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