If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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