I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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