the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
