somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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