Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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