ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
