But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
