I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
