When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
