im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
