I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
