Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
