I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
