never play flip cup with pint glasses
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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