I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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