btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
and she was petting her beer can
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
