You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
