she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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