She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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