Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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