Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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