RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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