I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
