WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
