everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
