im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
