so explain again why im purple
no
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I will be naked everywhere
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
