Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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