I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
