I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
