just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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