Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
