Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
