Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize