Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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