is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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