I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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