Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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