john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
