Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
