I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
