So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
