i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
