all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
