matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
