Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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