I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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