I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
