I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
