You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
