Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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