i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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