I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
