Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
