The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
