He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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