Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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