When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
