Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
