dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
