i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
