The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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