If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
