hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
